Currently Listening To | Romance

Dear fellow Babblers,

Happy Friday to you all. I started a new job this week and just got offered and internship position at an academic publisher. Everything is going swell and simply well on my side of the world. But this sort of happiness is rather superficial isn’t it. It’s all because of a job here, another sticker to add to my resume there. Those moments, those feelings that make life worth living is what I would give just about everything I have now for. That feeling of fulfillment and content for love, no matter what form it chooses to arrive in. However for the life I have lead up to this point love usually leaves, never stays. No matter how much I achieve and put my mind to there’s no denying that sometimes the world gets a little lonely without an “other” to share all of my happiness and a piece of my heart with.

How many of you have, after a successful day or upon receiving exciting news have picked up the phone or sent your significant other a text just because all of your happiness is bursting from your lungs and can no longer keep it it? And how about for those moments where nothing in particular is going on but you send that special person some love just because you feel like it ? I remember, just about a life time ago when these little fantasies I’m having now were actually happening. And now I stroll through life alone, hands a little shaking, gazing towards a place so close, yet too far beyond me as those around me stroll by, sometimes by me, sometimes in front of me, sometimes through me, almost like I’m not even there, a phantom of what once was.

With everything that is changing and going on in my life it would be nice, not necessarily vital, but nice, to have someone to share it with. I wouldn’t call it being lonely exactly but rather a longing for a soul to offer some of my own soul with. Yes, that’s it, an aching sort of longing for something, like a little bit of sugar to make my bliss a little bit sweeter.

For a week of longing, a playlist of romance is exactly what has been keeping my pep in my step. A little Nat King Cole here and some Yann Tiersen there. A melody of heartbreak on Monday, a passionate harmony on a Tuesday only to be repeated with more heartbreak on a quiet and still Thursday night… This playlist has, at least for this week, has at least temporarily filled some sort of void still throbbing deep inside me, somewhere in the cusp between my heart and my soul that I never knew was empty until now, when everything that should be making me happy, is not.
Here are some of the romantic lullabies and forget-me-nots that have carried me in a translucent sort of daze through a slow and lazily passing August week.

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Currently Listening To | La-La Land

Dear fellow Babblers,

This is going to be the first post part of the ‘Currently Listening To‘ category of my blog. My reading habits are about eighty percent dependent on my mood. I am what is to be called a “mood reader.” While I usually stick within the genre of Young Adult circulating around a theme of mental illness, I am basically what you could call a ‘mood reader.’ Sometimes I read because I’m nostalgic for earlier, perhaps more happier times in my life while other times I read just because I want an excuse to lay in bed all day with a Coca Cola. I always have a book nearby with numerous titles taking up space in my kindle. It goes without saying that books take up a large part of my life so it’s only natural that how I feel on a day to day basis is a partial result and becomes a partial cause of what fictional universe I’m currently dreaming myself to be traversing.

Anyway, this same logic applies to the tunes booming from my headphones. Always, there is a book peaking out of my purse. Similarly, I am always with headphones in my ears. Whether I’m at home, waiting in line at Trader Joes or walking down the street to school there is something always playing in my ears. Music, just like books plays a huge part of my life as it’s always there when I want to groove, dream of a life not mine, block out the world around me, feel as though I’m not alone in my sadness, discover some feelings I never knew to be burrowed inside of me.

La-La Land. Ever heard of this phrase ? I’m sure you have. All bibliophiles are notorious for choosing to live in “La-La Land” over the reality so clear and distinct before their very eyes. All through my childhood, adolescence and now straight into my early adulthood I never managed to shake that habit of losing myself in my thoughts. I tend to get some sort of random idea in my head and for an unpredictable amount of time become so obsessed with it that I almost, well, just about entirely lose focus of what I’m even doing. My mind begins to spin as I imagine alternate universes, becoming infatuated with all of these “what-ifs.” Sometimes these alternate universes bring me to my past, other times they whisk me away off towards the future and in rare cases they take me into the body, mind and world of someone, or something not me at all. While where where I am taken by these these initial thoughts always seem to take me by surprise as they develop like a spider weaving it’s web, the thoughts themselves are always the result of a feeling and these feelings, if not sprouting from books can be traced to music.

How I feel comes in waves, sometimes high sometimes low, with a soft hum edging it towards far into La-La Land, what I’ve been calling an ‘alternate universe.’ I’m sure we all come in and out of La-La Land, sometimes willingly, others by the force of reality pulling us back to our lives’ obligations. The slightest sensation can affect this. For me, music influences my flights in and out of La-La Land, and I’m sure it does for all of you as well. Below I have put together my La-La playlist, or the songs that take me back and forth between the pink sidewalks and purple clouds of my imagination and the blue sky and green grass of my reality. Upon listening to some of these tracks maybe you’ll be taken to a place like Narnia or maybe you will just get bored and skip to the next song, it all depends on your own alternate universe idea. Either way, I hope at least some of these songs bring you to a whirlwind of possibilities and make you dream, just as it does for me.
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